How to swallow a woman

By Geoff Balme [Email]

It is well known since time immemorial that women in general are far superior to men as food. They are more tender and flavorful in flesh, and their bones are lighter taking up less body weight. In particular it is well known that cannibals throughout the world relish gentle, sweet women over the usually sinewy, bitter men in nearly all examples. In a few obscure cultures women were raised from puberty to be ceremonial meals, their feet were not allowed to touch the ground, keeping even the meat of their soles in perfect condition.

If this is your first time there are some considerations for you to take to heart before beginning your first meal.

bon apetite!

The beginner's swallow, or the "Slider". After appropriate wooing procedures, and perhaps a relaxing massage, your ladyfriend is like putty in your hands. She is cooing like a dove, and lounges on your sofa like a kitten. Position yourself on the floor beneath her, sitting at her feet, and facing her, now raise her feet. Remove all clothing, shoes, or jewelry before you begin. (Later, when you are more experienced you may elect to remove clothing or other items as you swallow your victim as flourishes.) Position one of her feet over the other, so that the toes line up. Using an edible body lotion, or even low-fat cooking oil, begin rubbing her toes, feet, ankles, and calves.

Once they are covered with the slippery oils open your mouth wide, and stuff her toes into it, keeping her feet one above the other. They will act as a wedge shape to guide your jaw into the appropriate position. This will allow you to carefully and slowly adapt to her shape as you progress. A woman always gets biggest at the hips, so slow careful motions are necessary until after you engulf the hips. Carefully work her feet into your mouth until the heel of her lower foot pops over your lower jaw and into your mouth. Now, pull her slightly off the bed, or sofa where she is laying. Her hips should be just at the edge of the bed or sofa. You now must lay on your stomach. You must stretch yourself out as much as possible to allow maximum space in your abdominal cavity. As you pull your woman into your mouth, use your hands, sucking, and throat muscles to eat her. It will come naturally.

Eventually (don't rush!) she will be up to her hips in your mouth. You will feel the deep and overwhelming, sensual satisfaction as her feet reach the pit of your stomach, however, you are NOT done! On your first attempt at devouring a woman, you may find yourself with a pair of hips you believe you can't possibly swallow. Take heart! We have all been where you are. Remember if you have chosen wisely your first victim should be a "Kate Moss" not a "Marilyn Monroe". Although your fantasy meal may be a Marilyn, save her for later. You must practice before you tackle her hips. If everything is correct your eyes are watering and your lips are in terrific pain. Using your hands reach under her buttocks, and begin pinching and squeezing them, while alternately lifting and pushing your head. Slowly, her meaty backside will begin to slip into your mouth. Knead the flesh over your lower jaw a though you were massaging bread dough. Soon she will slip in, and your hardest job is finished. Her torso will follow her hips, and her breasts will easily smoosh up against her head. Some women will stick their hands into your mouth as you tickle their torso, this often leaves you with a very sexy image of breasts and a lovely face sliding away into your loving embrace forever. If not, I promise you, you will become a connoisseur of fine hands, as they will be the last part of your victim in the world as you use 'the Slide'.

The second swallow, or the 'Dive'. This is a more advanced swallow, but I will put a beginner's spin on it. The advanced version is a basic Python swallow, start with your woman's head, right at the top and eat her to her feet. The head beginning requires an advanced flexibility in the jaw. I recommend the first time you use this swallow to start with her hands. As she lies on her belly. Hold her fingers tightly in a group and squeeze them into your mouth. They are the 'wedge' that will get your jaw pried open to the correct width to accommodate her head, and then her chest and hips. Once past the hips with this sexy swallow, you can lay back, and watch a progression of sexy legs slip into your mouth, climaxing in her wiggling feet.

The third Swallow, the Hippo, or Jackknife. In this advanced swallow you warm your woman up with a good tiring massage. With a heavy application of lubricants to her ass. The advantages of this swallow are many, it affords the greatest oral pleasure for your woman, while getting the most difficult part of the devouring out of the way immediately. so that you may enjoy your victim as she moans and wiggles inside your mouth. Riding your tongue like a bronco-rider, she will effortlessly slide in before she even realizes she's being eaten. This particular swallow presses the woman's legs against her chest, and ends with her hands and feet together, hence the term 'jackknife'. The true master of this swallow provides his woman with a warm, wet, easy-chair to vanish into.

There are more swallows and positions. I hope this guide gets you started on a wonderful and fulfilling love life.

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